I have been so busy with my nightly singing & dancing career that I’ve neglected to update you on the latest advancements in my Oddeling Career. (For the unaware, Oddeling=Odd Modeling)
It began with a surprise book cover. Then a surprise bus wraparound advertisement. Then I went big-time with a print ad for the Discovery Channel hit “10 Years Younger”.
Now, I am proud to report I have broken into the competitive arena of Buffet Modeling.
Around this time last year, I booked a commercial for Seminole Casino Hollywood, the humble cousin of the better-known Hard Rock Seminole Casino. (Just one block and ten zillion worlds away!)
My favorite part about shooting the commercial that hot Autumn day was the fact that they handed me a tall, bubbly glass of Cava as a prop. And I drank it. And that I didn’t catch Lung Cancer from the secondhand smoke.
But before I ever braved the Marlboro Mushroom Cloud to shoot my subtle commercial scene (which ends with a sophisticated treatment of the word “Ka-Ching”) a still photographer took several pictures.
Naturally, the powers-that-be had us sign a release vague enough as to allow our images to be superimposed (nude) on the face of the moon for the next 700 years. So where would my photos go?
More than six months would pass before the answer would begin to trickle in.
Thanks to the Facebook, one friend/eyewitness after another began reporting Eileen Faxas Buffet Sightings in Fort Lauderdale.
Naturally, this Top Oddel requested (demanded) photographic evidence of said sightings. And Top Oddels always gets what we want. Except those $10,000/day modeling jobs you always read about. Oddels have yet to break into that racket.
Anyway, back to the buffet…. the evidence did appear (thank you Facebook friends/eyewitnesses!), but a few fuzzy Facebook photos weren’t enough to satisfy this Pioneer of Odd Modeling. No! This Pioneer actually trekked to this prestigious and not-at-all dangerous-at-night location to see this masterpiece of buffet modeling for herself (myself). This might be a good time to mention that writing in the third person “is complicated”.
“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”
– Dave Barry
So there I was – staring at myself prominently displayed in the casino parking lot – looking overjoyed as I hold a plate with a huge slab of fresh-off-the-cow meat from the $7.77 Buffet. (Get it? $7.77? It’s a LUCKY buffet!)
And when I say “fresh-off-the-cow”, what I really mean is “ugh-this-is-raw-and-making-me-feel-vomity”. The fact that I look so thrilled holding this slab of bucking bronco is a tribute to my Serious Acting “Chops”.
But my Oddeling Update doesn’t end there!
Just a few steps from my Giant Buffet Ad, you’ll also find a large banner featuring Your Favorite Oddel holding up a super sized glass of red wine and smiling. No Serious Acting “Chops” necessary.
Now, I can list buses, buffets, books, banners and half-makeovers on my growing list of Oddeling Accomplishments.
I’m not boasting here. I’m just trying to be inspirational… a role model for all you crazy kids out there who think that being under 7 feet tall, over age 11, and possessing no actual modeling ability is an obstacle to a rewarding career in this “niche” market that quite possibly I invented.